Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Reality bites !!!

Ok so here I am again - hospital appointment under my belt.

Where to begin - my wonderful husband took me to the hospital and on walking in he said something along the lines of well here we go let the ride begin ! To which I replied I fancy handing my ticket back and getting a refund!!
Unfortunately that wasn't an option.

So we arrived at outpatients - a bustling row of cubicles with waiting areas outside each one .
I asked at main reception where I should go and she pointed down the corridor and said cubicle C. On approaching that desk I was rather gruffly told to take a ticket and a seat!!!
Clearly I hadn't read the sign!! So I took my ticket much like you do at the shops to be served at the meat counter and obediently took my seat!

There we sat amongst a number of ladies who were a number of years ahead of me in lifes journey!!
My number was called and the lady behind the desk asked me a couple of admin bits, I had to fill in a form and wait to be called.
Before long I was asked to come into the exam room.
B and I sat there alone contemplating what was to come before the Dr came in and as this was a training hospital he also had a rather shy looking medical student with him.

So our second 'Cancer talk' began.
Mastectomy, reconstruction, long waiting lists, chemo, radiation, axillary clearance were words that were tossed to and fro.
Another prod of the lumps by the Dr and a rather self concious Dr in training!
At the end of it all reality had hit me especially when he commented just to accept the next 12 months should be how we should view this road.
I was hoping complete healing may have had a shorter time frame!!!!

Anyway after all our discussion I was left with the instruction to decide which way I wanted to go and I must come back next week to sign the consent form.
It would be at least 3 weeks he reckoned before the op as he only operates on Mondays and easter is on its way!!
On leaving he said the breast cancer nurse would like to come in and have a word.

B and I were once again alone in the exam room - he tenderly took my arm and of course that just brought my tears right to the surface!!
I told him not to be too nice to me as I was trying to hold it together to talk to the nurse.
She came in just at that moment and sat at the desk. I said to her sorry I was just feeling a bit emotional .
She then quite calmly said well this is a bit of a rollercoaster ride and you cant get off so just go with where you are at!!!
She obviously didnt realise that I had wanted to cash my ticket in earlier already!!!

I was given another wad of info - that filing cabinet need was growing!!
Pamphlets on makeup and wigs, depression ,prosthesis , underwear options etc etc etc.
Didn't she realise that I didnt even have my op date yet - I wasn't quite ready to be choosing a wig !!!!
Oh well I left with my ever supportive husband, large bag of endless scans and another plastic folder of info and another weeks wait before getting any closer to an op date.

So yes I have breast cancer - let the ride continue!!!!!


  1. Sounds like a rough day! Remember you allowed to scream occasionally on roller-coaster rides! My personal favorite is screaming while driving on motorways (preferably when alone in the car)...

    Been thinking about you all day today!


  2. Thanks Laura - I love that. I may need to be taking a few road trips!! xx