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Monday 29 August 2011

Its raining - its pouring!!!

Okay so I was going to write this earlier but we have had a bit of excitement since then!!
Earlier this evening we took our youngest daughter to the drs as she had burnt herself quite badly over a large area on her chest!
I had put some green beans in a microwave steamer and while I was outside - the microwave beeped and Miss C thought she would take the steamer out of the microwave .
Needless to say it was extremely hot and she lost her grip and steam and boiling water flowed down her chest!
Unfortunately she was just in a little tank top which offered no protection over her skin!
My mum called me in to find Miss C - skin already lifted off in an area and redness all over. I turned on the shower to cold and placed her under in attempt to cool her skin and then we wrapped an extralarge iceblock in a pillowslip to hold on as we went to the surgery.
She was crying in pain but in such a controlled way - I was amazed - having burnt my finger on steam in the past I know how painful that was - so could only imagine how excrutiating a large chest area burn must be!!

Our Drs rooms are open to 7pm so thankfully we avoided going to the hospital emergency.
They took us into the rooms straight away and in no time the Dr on duty was there to see us!
Poor Miss C was in a lot of pain - he said the nurse needed to keep area cooled with sterile water so IV bags were opened and emptied onto C and then onto sterile towels which were laid across her chest and the nurse kept them moist by emptying the IV bags onto them.
She was so incredibly brave - not once did she scream or shout - just kept saying how much it was burning when they stopped pouring on the water!
They kept it going over about half an hour in an attempt to cool the skin - it worked very well and I think we went through a number of litres .
C was lying on towels - soon the water was flowing through the bed and forming a large puddle on the floor!
I was feeling a bit light headed in all of this so had to ask for a chair to sit down. Still battling after effects of the chemo so all fun and games!!

Well once the skin was cooled enough - the wounds were dressed with what described as cupcake icing!! Dressings were secured and we were good to go. The Dr ordered some stronger pain meds and we are to return tomorrow for a check and redress.
The nurses and Drs were so lovely and kind - so we were well looked after!!
So back home we went - the girls had been wanting to watch the start of the new season of the Xfactor.
It had already started by the time we got home - but we got Miss c settled comfortably on the chaise and she managed a bit of dinner and then after watching a bit of the singing it was into bed!
I have given her some more pain killers so hopefully she will manage to sleep through the night!!
Thankfully my mum is still here so Miss A was able to stay at home with her and Miss C is in bed next to Nanny tonight!!

Honestly what a day - just when you feel your reserves are on empty - something else happens to stretch you even more.
I had already been feeling a bit weary today - somedays you just don't want to think about breast cancer treatments , side effects etc. Somedays you don't want to look in the mirror and see a bald headed person looking back at you, somedays you just want to walk in the shops without a headcovering , somedays you just want get dressed without having to have to think carefully as you choose you clothes !!!
And then when you are tired of being tired something happens to show you that somewhere inside there is still strength to forge ahead!!

Yesterday we heard a wonderful preach about holding on in times of struggle - the words were so relevant to our circumstances! We are still facing challenges on a few different fronts yet we keep going!
Lamentations 3vs 29 there may yet be hope ...

Life will never be the same - we are learning to dance in the rain over and over again- even if at times the dancing is a bit shakey!!
It is still funny though how you can be feeling refreshed one day and then weary the next.
Well I am still amazed at our ability to go on - haha we were saying this craziness has become our new norm!!

So just keep swimming, just keep swimming remains our theme song.
However I must say that floating does have its appeal .........








Thursday 25 August 2011

Out and About !!!!!

Well each day that passes this week I am thankful and joyful to leave the chemo train behind !!! What a relief!!
I am still dealing with some after effects but all good as it will be their last innings with me - yeha!!!!

I feel as if there is so much to share I'm not quite sure where to start ! My mind and body have been busy!!
I surfaced out of the haze around lunchtime on Monday and am not looking back!!
I shall come back to the last few days but today I went OUT !!!! Yes I left the farm to see life beyond hehe!!
Mum and I had been talking with a friend about going to see the movie called The Help! I won't tell you too many details except to say see it!!
We were thinking of maybe going next week and yesterday I was just looking to see when it started when I saw that it was advertised to screen today in the morning - one screening in 2 cinemas at the same time at a very discounted price.
I thought this must have been a special prescreen deal!
Never one to miss an opportunity - thought we should try and go! I wasn't sure how I would be today but thought worst case my mum and friend could go alone and I would give it a miss.
I had been managing most of my side effects so far - the worst being another welt type itchy rash along my spine from the back of my head to the end of my back - very weird and annoying. But nothing an antihistimine didn't help at least!!
So I went online and booked the tickets - we were all set!!



Well what a giggle - later last night I was flicking through our local paper and just happened to see the movie adverts and saw that todays screening of The Help was infact a special seniors morning and it indeed included free morning tea for viewers!! It also said members could bring up to 4 guests. Hmm so I had just unwittingly gatecrashed a senior citizens event!!! The strange thing was that I hadn't seen anything about this on the online booking and it certainly hadn't stopped me buying the tickets!!! Then again with my chemo brain who knows - last month I paid the incorrect electricity provider a rather large sum of money!! Thankfully they paid it back! The worst part is that I clearily remember checking that I was doing it RIGHT!!! So much for that !!
Anyway back to the movies!! I was sure they wouldn't boot out a scarf clad baldie who had made an honest mistake but thought I should investigate further!
I looked up the senior card info and it was for people over 60 and offered all sorts of discounts etc!!
Well the problem was easily resolved - we just signed mum up online for that and we were ready. I could be the guest!!
So this morning arrived - I was still feeling tired but was looking forward to getting out!! Thought I could manage just sitting in the cinema!!
Well we arrived just on time - there had been a few dramas and tears before leaving home - all mine - nothing serious just a bit emotional.
We met our lovely friend and in we went to collect the tickets!

The morning tea was long since over - large tables with trays of food were still standing etc. We entered our cinema and there in front was a lady talking to the audience about all sorts of shopping info etc.
It was full - so much for staying away from crowds hehe!! We took our seats amongst the many and next seat numbers were being called and prizes given away - not your average movie screening for sure!!
All quite an experience!!
The movie didn't start at the scheduled time so we only ended up getting out after lunchtime!
It was an incredible story set in Mississippii - days of Martin Luther King - racial divide between' whites and colored '
The story is about an aspiring writer who wants to tell the story of 'The Help' from the maids perspective!
A tremendous movie that takes you through many emotions - I was thankful I had packed my tissues!!

I was feeling a bit shaky after so needed something to eat - we did that then headed home. It had been great to be distracted from my sideeffects and I was glad I had made the effort to go.
My legs are aching tonight and I am having weird tinglings again in my arms and legs etc - but it is worth it!!!

So there we are - a day full of unexpected delights!!
I haven't touched on the deeper aspects of the mind but since mine isn't firing well on all cylinders tonight I shall save that for another blog!!!!










Monday 22 August 2011

Yabadabadoo - bye bye chemo bye bye!!!!!!!!

Well tonight the reality of not having to do chemo again is beginning to hit and it feels gooood!!!!!

Yesterday was long and painful as expected - the minutes seem as hours and  unfortunately every thought is for that day to be over!!
I had to keep telling myself that this is the last one!! Along with the physical struggle comes an emotional one each time - and even though you know its coming it doesn't make it an easier! My poor mum had to witness it all this time - her gentle care brought me to tears! I have been so focussed on getting through but having her here at home with us in the worst bits looking after us - just reminded me how vulnerable it all makes you and how thankful I am for her support!
The weather has taken a turn - heavy rain and strong winds so bed isn't such a bad place to be - although when you are forced to be there its not always where you want to be!!
I find my mind full of contemplating on these days and more than ever realise that we really cannot control what life deals us but we can control how we deal with life!!
This is certainly the greatest challenge as sometimes we would prefer a different hand - but nevertheless we have to face the hand we are dealt!!
So the longest day came to an end and today I feel like the chemo cloud is lifting once more.
I cannot relay how amazing that feeling is - even though as usual there will be other side effects to face in the days ahead - nothing is like the dark tunnel and slippy slope to yesterday!!!

So mum and I had a rather relaxing day - a lovely friend braved the wind and rain to drop off a meal for us on the way to school - I was in bed most of the morning and only ventured out later to watch a bit of tv. Mum was going to drive to school to get the girls but my car battery decided to die so our faithful friend B came to the rescue.
She lives a bit away from us but has been so amazing in wanting to help me and the family - taking the girls each week to do a grocery shop amongst other things - I shall be eternally grateful for her willingness to be there for us!!
And so before long, today too has passed!!
Not to wish ones life away - as I now know more than ever to make the most of what we have been given but I am so glad that these last few days are behind me now and I look forward to feeling a bit better in the days ahead!!

I can now sing in a loud voice - Bye bye chemo bye bye !!!!! What a great song !!!!!!!





The words of WB Yeats have been echoing in my head so thought I'd share with you.

The trees are in their autumn beauty,
The woodland paths are dry
Under the October twilight the water
Mirrors a still sky
Upon the brimming water among the stones
Are nine-and-fifty swans.

The nineteenth autumn has come upon me
Since I first made my count;
I saw, before I had well finished,
All suddenly mount
And scatter wheeling in great broken rings
Upon their clamorous wings

I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,
And now my heart is sore
Alls changed since I, hearing at twilight,
The first time on this shore,
The bell-beat of their wings above my head,
Trod with a lighter tread

Unwearied still, lover by lover
They paddle in the cold
Companionable streams or climb in the air;
Their hearts have not grown old;
Passion or conquest, wander where they will,
Attend upon them still.

But now they drift on the still water,
Mysterious, beautiful;
Among what rushes will they build,
By what lakes edge or pool
Delight mens eyes when I awake some day
To find they have flown away?



Saturday 20 August 2011

Chemotherapy No 4 !!! It is done ....

Well it is Saturday and chemo no 4 is done.
I can hardly believe that the chemo train has come to an end at last.
It is quite strange - I had expected to feel more happy about that but so far just a bit underwhelmed!! I think that it is just a case of getting through the after effects and also I guess for me there is still more to come. I still have 28 doses of radiation to get through and another 8 months of herceptin!! And 5 years of hormone treatment !!
However having said all that I will be delighted not to have to sit in the chemo unit for another 7 hour stretch being pumped full of toxic drugs - yeha !!!!!!!!!!
There is also the prospect of having my hair grow back and hopefully a bit more energy ! Although apparently for every week of radiation one is to expect a month of fatigue!!

Anyway - so happy to have the chemo done - for sure.
It has been such an amazing boost to have my mum here. She is such a blessing and encouragement to us. Not sure how I am going to let her go!!
Today I am just recovering , B and mum have planted tomatoes and roses , fed and walked the goats , watered the cows , etc etc..
I so love being here on this farm - I know I have said it before but it is so good for the soul and I really cant imagine living anywhere else!!
We have kept in contact with the people we bought the farm from and they are a wonderful couple. L the husband came this week and slashed all around the tricky parts on the property to help us out with all that is going on. Such a kind and generous heart - we are so thankful.

Yesterday a lovely friend popped up to drop off a meal - we have been overwhelmed by those who have continued to stand by us on this lengthy road.
I will have to brush up on my cooking skills with all the lovely meals we have been getting!!
Well I am afraid I am a bit weary today but thought I'd just update that I am alive and kicking - okay maybe not quite kicking yet - more like a shuffle!!!!

Oh I must just share a funny tale with you quickly before I conk out!!
I have been very spoilt with regular surprise pressies through the post from a very thoughtful friend. This last gift was a gorgeous bottle of MooGoo moisturiser!!
When I was at the radiologist - the girls stayed with my mum. Miss C decided to have some cake - seeing the cream nearby she thought that would go well with her cake. There she was squeezing out my divine cream onto her plate when my mum came to the rescue!! Thank goodness - they both ended up in a fit of giggles as my mum told her that was body cream not fresh cream. When I got home Miss C relayed the story to me giggling once more - she very apologetically said but mum it did say Full cream on it and there was a picture of a cow on it!!!
Never a dull moment. Needless to say the Moo Cream is now far from the kitchen counter and safely hidden in my room!!!





A friend gave me a card this week that said .

Hope is a seed God plants in our hearts to remind us there are better things ahead!!
I am thankful for that hope and am surely looking forward to the good things in the days to come!!



Tuesday 16 August 2011

Radiotherapy on the horizon !!

Okay so I know I've said it before - but today I would quite like to exchange my rollarcoaster ticket for a different ride altogether!!
I had my appointment with the oncologist this morning and will be on my way shortly to see the radiooncologist to discuss my radiotherapy!
It is always very confronting doing the hospital visits - just brings back home the fight you are in!!
Mum came with me this morning which was wonderful and b will meet me at the next appointment this afternoon.
To be honest I just feel like curling into bed and giving it all a miss. It is funny how your feelings sneak up and get you - i should be feeling really happy that Thursday will be the last chemo and yet my mind is full of what comes after that!!
Sadly chemo is only part of this treatment road. Today the oncologist discussed what happens after radiotherapy - beginning on the tablet i will take for 5 years , continuing with the Herceptin etc!!
I was asked how my bones and teeth were as the tablet can weaken both and then I could end up with oesteonecrosis of the jaw. woopdeedoo!!!
I was advised to go the dentist and have any work done before starting the treatment - so somewhere inbetween 35 doses of radiotherapy I now need an overhaul from the dentist!!
Sadly my teeth have never been very strong and those of you who know me - know how much I love the dentist!!! NOT !!!!
He also referred me to cardiac investigations for another echo to check the herceptin isn't having any negative effects on my heart!
So this rollercoaster continues - the twists and turns unpredictable as ever!!

Overall I manage to remain positive but there are days when you would just love to wake up and look in the mirror and not see a bald person looking back at you.
I know that after this chemo in a few months hopefully my hair will have returned ! I also know that no hair is a small price to pay for no cancer and yet some days it would be nice not to have to rationalise that way!
It is such a treat having my mum here - I am so glad she was able to come - there is still a road ahead. I am thankful that I have the pathology I have don't get me wrong - I know there are many women fighting a greater battle than I am !!



Well quite a few hours have passed since I started this blog - I have just returned from a lovely bite to eat with my husband. actually prior to that we had an appointment to discuss the radiation side of things. b and I sat before the appointment talking about how unreal this all was. Funny thing is that  having chemo has become such a normal part of our lives that as bizarre as it sounds you can almost put aside why you are having it as your energy is focussed on just getting through it.
Today has brought back the reality of what we are dealing with.
We had a good chat re radiation treatment - and it looks like it is all systems go. I heard how I will most likely burn and blister - have to have permanent tatoos to mark the radiation field, how my lung tissue will be affected and so on. I do however have faith in the radiooncologist that we saw and am entrusting my radiotherapy to him now.  It will all start at the beginning of September - just need a few weeks to get over the chemo and we are onto the next chapter!!
I felt quite teary on leaving the radio oncologist - no particular reason - just another part of this journey.
B had to return to work but it wouldn't be long until he was finishing so we opted to meet up for a cuppa when he was finished.
I headed to the local shopping mall to lift my spirits with some retail therapy while I waited.
The girls were at home with my mum - so I called to let them know of our plans and my lovely mum said don't rush back why dont you have a bite to eat as well!
I can't remember the last time b and I had a date by ourselves so this was a treat.
We went to the local surf club and had dinner and a glass of bubbly - I was still feeling shattered so we didnt stay long and it was a very early meal but nevertheless was a great way to end what had been a pretty wearing day!! We watched the sun go down over the sea and it was wonderful.



So now I am in my bed ready to conk out - I have my tablets next to the bed to remind me to take them tomorrow. My pre chemo regime begins !! Off to have bloods taken tomorrow and I will be set for Thursday!

I must just say that when I went to the shops to wait for B a lovely friend from overseas sent me a text message!!
To receive this message when it came through was amazing !
It said "Hi read this and thought of you - My presence will go with you overshadowing you , giving you strength in your weakness, being all that you ask of me, carrying you . Just felt to send this to you to encourage you "
This dear friend did not know just how I was feeling at that time and to receive that text was such an encouragement!!
How wonderful to know that our heavenly Father has us by the hand......

Sunday 14 August 2011

Throw a starfish !!!!!

Yesterday was the girls school carnival. They were desperate for me to go with them - so I did. Mum and I took them to enjoy all the fun of the fair. I was tired before we even got there - so spent the time moving from seat to seat watching as our youngest went on all manner of stomach churning rides!!
They had a great time on all the rides , sugarloading with show bags etc. it was great to see them having fun.
Today however I am paying the price for being out and about!! The fatigue is quite consuming at the moment - i feel as if the life has been sucked out of me.
I spent most of the day lying on my bed and the sofa - just unable to action anything at all today. The girls were tired too from yesterdays activities so we just relaxed at home.
Miss C got a second wind of course but the joy of living on acerage is she had a great time starting a treehouse and B put in some steps for easier access!! She was delighted!!
On the way to the fair yesterday Miss c said to my mum "I am so glad this week is mummys last chemo!!'
Chokes you up to hear that - she is such a tender hearted child. I am so proud of her and her sister - the way they are walking through this with us. It has been a tough road with unexpected twists and turns along the way- it has been a relief to see Miss C more like her old self . She has had to face challenges at 9 in these last months that even we as adults find difficult - and yet even in the midst of this she has come through.
Her older sister amazes me how much she is growing up - 13 and yet so mature and wise in her outlook on life!!

This afternoon we watched the movie Living Proof. It is a movie about the discovery and development of Herceptin. I had seen it before being diagnosed with breast cancer - but it was quite different watching it today now that I am actually on that drug myself!!
What an incredible story of 1 mans perserverance and belief in a new way to treat breast cancer. It was 12 years before the drug was developed and then approved by the FDA. interestingly enough it was Revlon that donated over $2 million to fund Dr. Slamons research and has since helped raise over $65 million to aid and support Breast cancer research. Makes you want to run out and buy their products doesnt it!!
Now Herceptin is saving women all over the world who previously had no hope of any other option!
I found myself sobbing through near the end - just touched so deeply how this  man Dennis Slamon sacrificed so much of his own life so that he could make a difference in the lives of so many women - quite inspiring!
It reminded me of that tale of the starfish.



A man was waking along a beach and saw 100's of starfish that had been washed up on the beach. further ahead he saw a young boy throwing starfish back into the sea one by one.
As the man approached the boy he said to him. 'What are you doing? '
 The boy said ' I am trying to save them so I am throwing them back into the sea!'
The man replied ' There are so many - it is an impossible job - what difference is it going to make if you save 1 or 2!'
The boy replied " it will to the starfish that is saved!'




I am not sure that I have recalled this story correctly but I hope that you get the jist!
One person can make a difference - even if it only affects one other surely it is worth it!! Or perhaps it will affect 1000's like Dr Dennis Slamon.
We all have the ability to do something positive in our world - isn't that exciting that we can make that difference!
Go for it !!!

Living Proof Movie Clip



Friday 12 August 2011

Give me sleep !!!!!

Well here I am again. I have to say I am feeling so tired my brain is not firing on all cylinders!! the side effects have certainly been much less of a worry this time around but the tiredness is quite overwhelming!!
Not sure if its all to do with my treatment or the noisy visitor that crashes  on our tin roof in the wee small hours of the morning and then scurreys around in the roofspace!
Yes we have a possum who has made a second home in our roof - he hunts at night and then lands with a thud to sleep in the day!!
As nice as it is to commune with our wildlife- being woken every night and having broken sleep is not so nice!
This has been going on for quite some time now - so we decided action was needed!
I called the possum man!!
His job is to identify entry points and then seal them up!!
He also sets a trap in the roof space to catch the unsuspecting possum - a cage with trap door and apple!!
So all was sealed over 2 days and the trap was set.
We were just about to sit down to dinner when we heard an almighty crash - we peaked through our loft door to see the trap and there were 2 large eyes staring back.
Poor little thing - he must have got quite a shock!!
So b took him down and we carried the cage outside and released him into the dark night!!
The theory is that now all entry points are sealed - he shouldn't be able to get back in!!! Tonight we shall see !!


This week has passed very quickly - it is wonderful having my mum here but she is still trying to overcome her jetlag - so we have both been resting together!!
We did pop into one of our local shops earlier in the week together to return something. I have been going to this shop over the last few years so you get to know the sales ladies. The lady who served us was so lovely! She asked about my hairloss and I explained about the breast cancer etc. She said she hadn't seen me in the shop for ages and now seeing me with the headscarf said she felt quite teary knowing what had been happening to me!! She had been concerned about her regular customer!! I said I appreciated her caring and also her actually chatting and talking to me normally!
I hesitated telling B about this as not sure knowing that the sales ladies at our local shopping centre had missed seeing me was a good thing hehe .
Needless to say he thought it was somewhat worrying that the shop assistants were missing me!!
What a giggle ! In my defense it is a small community here and I have been going to the shop for a number of years !! Well thats my story and I'm sticking to it!!

So only a few days to go to dday - I am dreading and looking forward to the day !
Have numerous appointments the few days before so no doubt it will come around quickly and then I can celebrate putting the chemo on the back burner!!
Have an appointment next week to discuss the radiation treatment in more detail - so will see what the next chapter holds!

Tomorrow the girls school has the annual fundraising fair! They are very excited and there are many rides etc so I am going to attempt to go for a bit . I am not sure how long I will last but feel I need to be part of it for the girls.
It may be a short visit on my part !
Well I am almost falling asleep on this keyboard so I better finish before I delete it all by mistake!!
Have a great weekend!!



Tuesday 9 August 2011

Happy Days !!!

Well its been a while since my last post  - the days seem to have rolled by quite quickly.
I am pleased to say that so far I am not suffering from the same side effects as last time - what a relief!
Up to date the awful rash and welts that appeared last time have not arrived on the scene this time - phew!!!
I did have to visit the GP this week for a sore throat but am now on antibiotics just incase!!
So it is just over a week until I have my final chemo - I can't wait!!

It is a very happy household here at the moment as my mum arrived from overseas this weekend! We haven't seen here for over a year - so the girls are loving waking up and having Nanny in the house.
First they have had Granny and Grandpa and now Nanny - it is such a blessing for them to have the extra support with all thats going on!
So mum will come with me for my final chemo and then we still have 5 weeks of radiation and continued Herceptin and hormones to go!
She is still pretty jetlagged from the flight etc so we are just laying low while the girls are at school - they have all sorts of plans in mind hehe!!

Well the fun on the farm continues as we had inherited 2 goats from a couple who had rescued them from being made into something eadable!!
The couple had to return overseas and the goats had no where to go - so we took them on. This was just before all the shennaigans started with me .
We have an enclosure where they are and we had been letting them out regularily etc but obviously with all my treatment and B exam etc - the goats have not been let out as much.
We can't let them wander all over the farm alone as they would just walk through the fencing and our biggest concern is that the people across the way would wake up next morning to find their nursery plants had been a buffet for the goats!!
Anyway this long story is leading to say that B has been working away building them a new larger enclosure where they can jump about etc securily!!
He has been labouring endlessly by himself building new fencing , an enclosure etc and finally all came together!
We all went to watch the relocation of the goats , Missy and T2 - the names they had come with!!
Goats are pretty clever I have to say and these 2 are just like dogs - they follow you everywhere and hate it when you leave them.
Given half a chance they would be in the house I'm sure!!
Well they went into their new spot no problems - they skipped and jumped around - investigated the tree!
We oohed and aahed at B's handiwork - with a cheer and applause.
The fencing was quite high and B had made a gate from scratch!! He had worked so hard to get it all done.
We turned to go and have a cuppa when T2 the larger of the two took a running leap and scaled over the top!!
Well you should have seen my poor husbands face - I so felt for him - all that work in and T2 had escaped!
I did everything I could to hold in my giggles as it was quite comical to watch!!
Well we got her back in again - and sure enough it didnt take her long for a repeat performance.
Not to be defeated B got some more wire and completely encased the new pen - we had hoped not to block it all up but didn't want to take any chances!

I am pleased to report that they are still secure and seem very happy and settled in their new spot!!
It also looks like Gemma the goose is sitting on some eggs - so we are really hoping all goes well and we see some goslings soon !! Will keep you posted!!







Wednesday 3 August 2011

Goosing around on the farm........

Well there is never a dull moment - that is for sure!!!

I am recovering on my bed and out of puff but having such a laugh - but I will get back to that.
I am feeling stronger again today and a lovely friend I havent seen for a couple of months took me out this morning for a bit of a peek at the shops!!
Was great to be out and about! I drove the girls to school and dropped the dog at the groomers!! Nanny is coming so we need her looking and smelling good !!! ( The dog - not Nanny of course!!)
I parked at my friends office nearby where I could leave my car - we only planned to be out for a short while and then she would return to work and I would head back home.
Well we had a great time and was very colourful in the shops - I haven't been for ages!!
Singlets and I have become great friends and I bought a few more for wardrobe adjustment - managed to get a birthday present and a cuppa.
A most successful morning !
Our dog was ready before lunchtime so after returning to my car - I collected her and headed home.
Was feeling tired but happy!

Well this is when the real fun began!
I hadn't been inside long when I heard all manner of a rumpus outside with the geese. They do honk every now and then - especially as it is coming up to spring and new goslings are being made.
Gus our male is very protective of his lady Gemma - and has no hesitation at the moment to go for you if you are too close!!
It has been quite interesting actually as before breeding season he always grabbed any extra food for himself and poor old Gemma never got a look in - now that she is carrying his eggs (we think) he waits and lets her eat first!!
Anyway back to the noise !!

So I look out of the window and up near the tractor shed there is Gemma running around flapping with an empty feed bag wrapped around her neck!!
It is a heavy duty clear plastic bag that holds 25 kg of feed - so bigger than her.
She had somehow got her head through a loop where the bag had been opened and got stuck!!
I will not comment on why it had not been disposed of and left floating around as a goose death trap!!
So here I am on the farm by myself - with a potentially life threatening goose situation.
okay so I know that sounds dramatic - but I was thinking what if she caught it on something or worse went down to the dam and the bag filled up with water and dragged her under!!
So I took action , flung on the wellies and headed their way.
Well of course you can imagine they didn't want me close - not sure if you can quite picture it but there I am - bald headed in wellies - trying to catch a goose with a huge sack around its neck whilst trying to fend off her great white defender Gus whilst keeping my breath!!
I tried different tactics for quite some time with no success and I was feeling pooped!!

I headed back to call B for input!!
Not quite sure what I thought he could do when he was busy at work and unable to get away!! Well felt better to share the load!!
After calling I just couldnt get the image of Gemma guggling in the dam so I thought right one more go and then I'll give up!!
Now as I am more at risk of infection being bitten by a goose or scratched with some farm item was not on the top of my list so I thought I should be prepared!!
I had just bought some very long black rubber gloves at our local shop - they had been half price and I thought they may be handy for protection for me on the farm - they stretched up to my elbows and had a zebra trim . Tres chic oh la la!!
Well I put them on , grabbed a stick and headed back up to the tractor shed.
I planned my attack slowly and steadily - managed to corner Gemma under the tractor - stomped on the bag with my wellie and hey presto I got her free!!!
Yes - fantabulous!!!!
And I had no war wounds to speak of - even better!!
A great deal of honking occurred - I shall interpret that as thank you hehe !!

So now I am exhausted - once more flaked on the bed.
The whole thing was hilarious and if only funniest home videos had been filming!!
I am really hoping that we will see some goslings in the weeks ahead - and who knows maybe Gus will be a little more kind to me when I head that way now that I have freed his lady from her trauma!!
One can live in hope .............



                                           Gus and Gemma .

Tuesday 2 August 2011

The rollercoaster has left the tunnel .......

Yeha - the rollercoaster is coming out of the tunnel into the light!!
Today I feel so much better - the chemo haze is lifting and I am feeling more like myself again!!
Honestly it is as if you are in this dark hole and can't see the way ahead and then you see a glimpse of the light and wheee you are out - and it feels good!!!!
So glad it only lasts for a couple of days !
There will be another few loops and whirls in the days ahead but I have a plan in place this time so hopefully they wont be so dramatic when they hit!!!

I have had a wonderfully restful day at home - still had Miss c off sick but she is good company even with a temperature!!!
Tuesdays are my cleaning day when Glorious G gives everything a sparkle!!
It is always such a treat !
I have been able to potter about and do a few bits today - managed a bit of ironing seated - felt good to achieve something - pretty sad when doing ironing gives you a lift hehe -so good to be able to feel a bit more normal!!  Yes I know  - normal maybe not but at least active hehe !!

I had 2 lovely friends pop in this afternoon and felt great to sit on the verhanda and just drink a cuppa together!!
G brought me a Louis Giglio DVD - Indescribable -to watch today. Miss C and I watched it together this morning! A wonderful presentation of the bigness of the universe , the greatness of God and us.
We sat in wonder looking at the milky way and star formations - details from the hubbel telescope and photos of space.
There is something quite magical when looking into the somewhere out there !!

Well this is just a quick update to let you know the ride continues but rollarcoaster has returned to the light hehe !!
Am holding on tight!!!


Indescribable sneak peek!! Click here for a look !!!!

Monday 1 August 2011

Let your Light shine on me !!

It is hard to believe that almost 5 months have passed since I was put on this rollarcoaster !! In many ways it is hard to remember what life was like before!
I had all sorts of thoughts running through my mind last night but just couldn't focus eyes or brain to put them down.
As usual the mactruck hit yesterday - as described by another pink lady - its hard to really put into words how it feels - extreme exhaustion is only part of it.
Your limbs feel like they've been filled with lead , your brain and eyesight is all a muddle , sick and bizarre feeling in mouth and tummy etc and so it goes on. So much for liquid gold!!!!
It can be hard to be positive in those days - but the surroundings here are so uplifting. I was thinking yesterday how thankful I was to be here , how proud I am of my beautiful daughters , for the friends who are in for the long-haul and indeed the fact that I still have my eye brows!!!

I see this bald person in the mirror and can't believe its me!
 In a teary moment yesterday I was thinking about it all and was reminded of the words ' Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death - I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and staff comfort me!!'
 I have been thinking about it and was struck that this speaks of the 'shadow' of death - a shadow is an area where the direct light from a light source cannot reach due to an obstruction.
The light has not ceased it is just obstructed - the valley is not death itself but a shadow. It reminded me once more how we need to constantly keep our eyes fixed on the Light that never changes!!
I wondered also why there was mention of the rod and the staff - the rod was an instrument of authority  - used to count/guide/ rescue and protect the sheep. The staff was an instrument of support - used to comfort and reassure!!
We have an amazing shepherd who wants to keep us safe ! I am so incredibly thankful for that!!!
It is so encouraging that He just brings us what we need when we need it - I was looking through a website earlier and there were the words Deb If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it!!
I kid you not - it was there for someone else but at the moment I read them - it was as if it had been written for me!!
Although there are dark spots on this road I know that a neverceasing Light is there to guide me on my way!!
That Light is there for you too!!

And so another day will be behind me soon - another step closer to the end of this chemo!! The sun is shining gloriously here today and there are good things to come.

I am adding another little piccie from an artist I love - this caused my Abbey to double up in laughter so I think thats its well worth a screening!!!
Just incase you cant read it clearly it says " Oh pull yourself together!! "



We certainly all have those days !!!!! xx