Well life really has become quite bizarre !!
After my appointment today B and I are sitting sipping cappucinnos talking quite matter of factly about having one of my breasts cut off!!!
I should backtrack a bit - today was dday for the decision - I have wrestled with it all week - googling all research available - asking questions, praying for wisdom and I even braved watching a BBC Knowledge show about Breast Cancer - which I have to say was pretty depressing!!
In any case I really wanted to have my decision settled today - not a great choice really - lose all your breast or a large chunk with unsure outcome!
Well I started in the pre op clinic first where my first instruction on arrival was the joyous task of having to give a urine sample in a tiny pot - not sure quite how you are supposed to aim for that (oops maybe that was too much info) .
Next a nurse took me away and I was asked all manner of questions, had an ECG ,blood pressure etc etc!!
I was given instructions on how to prepare for the day of the op and given a tube of antiseptic goo to wash with!!!
Next was the anaesthetist - a warm and bubbly lady who whisked through the GA questions - my biggest concern was that they wouldn't knock out my capped tooth at the front!!!
Losing a breast and a tooth would not be a good look!!!
She then spent more time asking me how I was. She was really lovely with a lot of life experience and she encouraged me that I had a good surgeon and said that it wouldn't be the physiology part of the op that would be the hardest - I hadn't finalised which op it was at that point. After my trip to the pre-op clinic I was heading over to the hospital to see the surgeon!!!
B met me there and once again we sat amongst the mass of people sitting in the outpatients. Each there with their own story to tell!!
It wasn't long before I was called - went into the exam room. The breast care nurse came in first and said so you are here to sign the consent for mastectomy!!
I said oh well I had a few things to discuss with Dr x first.
She then went on to say that he wasn't at clinic today and another Dr was taking it!!
I was clutching my list of carefully written questions and said to her that I had hoped to talk through a few things before signing the consent!!!
She said the other Dr was just on the phone to Dr X and she would let them know.!!!!!
We waited for what felt like eternity but was really just a few minutes!!
Then in came another lady Dr that we hadn't met - but within the first sentence I knew she was just right for us to talk to and within the first minute I knew what had to be done.
We chatted on for a while discussing everything but I had such a settledness about how to proceed.
She was a lovely women and only after I had confirmed my decision with her did she reveal that she herself had had a mastectomy!!
She was a very positive and encouraging example of life after cancer treatment.
The Lord knows what He is doing!!!!
So now we wait - not long only a few days !!
My eldest daughter and I had a good chat about what was to come - I showed her pictures of the prosthesis options and we had such a laugh talking about that.
Things like "Oh sweetie can you help me find my boob - not sure where I left it!!! and " Oh no mom your going to have to get another one I think the dog has taken it " caused us to collapse once more on the bed in a fit of giggles!!!
These times are too precious - my youngest daughter helped me hang up the washing twice today without a single word of complaint - and through the day continues with her meaningful hugs and questions of how are you doing mum.
We are going to try and fill these last few days with lots of fun.
Well humour aside - and I am thankful for it - I know this is going to be a huge challenge ahead - yet still I have the peace that I will come through!!
Thank you once again to those near and far who continue to pray and encourage - I know that it is not my own doing that I feel the strength to fight!!!
So sword unsheathed , armour on , head down ................. the battlefield is fast approaching ........
PS. My youngest daughter has just read over my shoulder about having a breast cut off - she looked at my earnestly and said Mum are you having a breast cut off ? Yes I replied to this rather shocked looking face!!! She thought for a minute then said Can they put a new one back?? Yes i replied to a rather happier looking face . Phew she says whilst wiping her hand across her forehead in a rather dramatic manner!! Thats good she says !! Wearing a bra might have been a bit tricky!!! Gives me a hug and bounces off singing!!!! I just love it xxxxx