Friday, 20 May 2011

A tender heart ...

How is it that you can be going along fine and then boom suddenly it all feels too much!!

I have a had a lovely week with comings and goings , yummy food and friendly words and yet suddenly I am all teary and feeling overwhelmed today!!
I couldn't sleep much last night and the weird thing is is that I am not even thinking negative things - just feeling a bit weary.
Actually having said that - I have been thinking about chemo - I feel like each day now we are a step closer.
I am really dreading the start of that!
I was chatting to a friend yesterday and said now that I am on the other side of the op - I think I am fearing losing my hair more than I was about my boob!
I have tried on scarfs etc and the result is not very uplifting - I do try to see the funny side but today it doesn't seem so funny.
I am thinking I need to start a rigourous facial regime so at least I might have nice skin!!

That said I broke new ground today - I got in the car and drove to school!! The girls were very excited!
It all went well - just felt a bit uncomfortable but not that it affected the driving except for parallel parking - was awkward to twist my neck and manoevre the wheel!!
What happened to my multitasking technique!!
I saw a friend at the kiss and go and she suggested a cuppa - so we shared our tales over a cappuccino !!
Always great therapy!!
I went into the shops and got a few birthday treats for A - I feel quite disorganised for her special 13th birthday.
Has all come around so quickly - thankfully she is such a gracious girl she understands that I cant do things as usual.
Still a bit sad that this significant birthday is clouded by cancer!!

Anyway I am back at the farm - we are having the grass cut outside and granny and grandpa are pottering in the kitchen test driving the new fast/slow cooker!!
So we will have a heartwarming meal whilst looking out over our neatly mown lawn.
Its amazing how good for the soul it is to see freshly cut grass - at least one area of our life is partly under control !!
I am also amazed how the unexpected encouragement comes when I need it - today in the post I had 2 treats from girlfriends .
My very special friend from the UK sent me a most beautiful card which got the tears going for sure and another special friend in SA had sent me the most lovely books.
My heart is being tended!

So I think I need to clear my tearducts with a heartwarming movie and then take a deep breath and go again.
A is going tenpin bowling with a few friends tomorrow so I have to get my groove on for that!
 I really want her to have a fun time!

Well there are wonderful smells wafting in from the kitchen - I hope it tastes as good as it smells!!

My mum sent me this yesterday
Remember our feelings come and go - but Gods love for us does not!

Just what I needed to be reminded of today ........

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