Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Laugh - cry - laugh x

Well here I am again.
It is the wee small hours of the morning and I am awake!
Actually I had a really horrible dream and now can't get back to sleep!
I am blaming the takeaway pizza from last night!!

You would think that as I am resting at home this week that there wouldn't be much to say - yet the twists and turns of life continue never the less!!
Yesterday morning I was feeling a bit better to start - yet after an attempt to put on some washing and a small sort in the kitchen - I soon realised my tyres had still lost their puff!
I was finished - had to go back to bed!
Tuesdays the lady comes to help with cleaning etc - Gorious Gloria I say - so I just left the door open for her as I really was feeling weary.
She is such a wonderfully positive lady despite whatever is happening in her own world - always lovely to see her and what a treat to have someone come in and when they leave your floors are clean and mopped, bathrooms sparkling etc - just love it.

Well seriously most of my day was spent in bed - my theory is that while the girls are at school I will do my best to top up my tanks so that any energy I have I can enjoy with them.
Their first week back to school has gone well so far - Miss A has been amazing - I am so proud of her - she has taken a step up now that Granny and Grandpa have gone - she was giving her sister moral support the night before school started , encouraging her etc, she has been taking on her home responsibilities so well and her maturity and attitude is something I am so proud of.
Miss C too is doing her best also - feeding the goats and caring for me. Her heart is still very tender about me and I can see the weight of everything taking its toil even after 2 days back at school. She is carrying a lot for a 9 year old and being forced to face things that even we as adults have struggles with - I am so proud of her too!

My dear friend J brought the girls home after school - we had a quick cuppa and ended up having such a laugh !
As women we can certainly cover a number of topics in a short space of time - everything from health, parenting, beauty techniques , gardening - aren't we great hehe!!
I have had a couple of comments about how well my skin is looking and we were laughing as it has taken chemo to get me to increase my water intake!! It has also caused me to maintain that rigourous skin regimme that I had mentioned earlier - my quest to at least have decent skin seems to be working !!
Lots of water and a good skin care routine actually does work !!! Duh - pity it took getting cancer to get me going!!
I was relaying to J how earlier that morning I had found my self laughing at myself in the bathroom.
There I was after my shower - looking at my reflection in the mirror - this bald headed woman with one breast missing - standing there rubbing in sorbelen cream on my head and body - doing my cleansing regime and thinking to myself - how unglamourous it all was and yet I have never spent so much time creaming up etc . What a laugh!!!
But you know as much as I have always believed that true beauty really does come from the heart - as a woman spending a bit of time on the outside really gives a boost. With all thats going on if I look in the mirror and the person looking back has a bit of colour and a touch of lippy it makes all the difference!!

Well its good that I had my laughs earlier in the day as later I had a bit of a meltdown.
This emotional road is quite bizarre - laughing to start and crying to finish.
A friend said you have to just go with the flow - she wasn't joking. You really don't know where the tide is taking you next!
My poor husband was merrily just going about getting the fire started etc He had gone to get us pizza and all seemed well.
By the evening I was feeling tired and a bit cranky - not even really sure why - sometimes it just comes over you.
Earlier he had suggested we go to our local for a meal and as much as I would have loved to - I really just couldn't do it - quite frustrating as we do have lots to celebrate!
Miss c was a bit tired and emotional - so together we were a fine mix!
B just happened to say I seemed a bit grumpy that night to which I exploded a reply far greater than the comment.
I stormed off - sat on my bed laughed at my own ridiculousness then went to the bathroom and sobbed at my state and then removed all the black nail polish off my nails as I was over the Fortune teller look!!
Boy what a up and down of emotions today.

My darling A came in to check I was okay - I apologised for my outburst - said sometimes it all as to get out and that I was fine and just have to keep remembering the bigger picture- we ended up having a laugh together and we all went to bed!!

So despite the bits in between the day started and ended with a laugh after all - so I cant ask for more than that.
Well I better get back to bed and try and sneak in a few more hours before the sun comes up!!!!!!!
Hey ho I wonder what tomorrow has in store . No doubt you'll be hearing soon enough hehe x


  1. Hi Debs just finished reading your blog, you are so real telling it like life is, each day brings the treatment a day nearer towards the end so hang in there you are a real soldier,in fact a mighty warrior and a precious daughter Love you Mum xx

  2. Well Darling Deb's , What a trial this is but you are doing so well . Some folks cant cope with day to day problems never mind all this which has come your way . The Lord does provide strength and Grace to help us through as He is touched with the feelings of our struggles . I do look forward to be with you some day where I can take you in my arms and give you a father's hug. Try and stay positive and strong ,help is on the way . all my love Dad . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO