Time machine please .......

Well what a day it has been.

Today was my '3 weekly' trip to the hospital for my dose of IV herceptin at the oncology unit.
The girls were at a friends where they had their holiday moviethon - this holiday the theme was mermaids - so all was red and blue. Red as Aeriels hair and blue as the sea.
So mum and I headed off to hospital just the 2 of us. I was due to start at 9.30 but when we arrived the unit was very busy.
I was due to go to radiotherapy after for another zapping. When I hadn't been called in after 10 I had a feeling it would be one of those days!!
The staff were as friendly as ever but very busy and a few staff down.
I have been having some discomfort in my chest these last 2 weeks - I have attributed that to heartburn linked to the radiotherapy.
The staff wanted to doublecheck my heart just to be sure - so I had an ECG. There were a few problems in getting it set up but I am pleased to say that the results were fine and the Dr was happy to go ahead.
Unfortunately the first attempt at getting a line up was unsuccessful and extremely painful - so I was left with a heat pack on my arm .
Another staff member was called to give it another go - thankfully she is a whizz and she had success.
I was running so far behind by this stage that I had to phone radiotherapy to change my appointment to later in the day.
My appointment at oncology should have been about an hour - but instead I was there for about 3!!

It was then back in the car and off to get the girls. Miss C also had an appointment at the dentist at 3 so we were all going to head down to radiotherapy and then on to the dentist!!
My friend who had had them had tea and lunch waiting for us. What a blessing - so we munched it down and off we went again.

We were cutting it fine and on arriving I flew into the change room and through my strippy gown on as quickly as possible!!!
This is no 14 today so the rads chap noticed I wasn't my usual self and asked why I seemed a bit flustered today! I explained how my day was going so far and he said well at least here you can lie down and catch your breath. Haha he was right !!
So after catching my breath - it was out of the stripes and into my own clothes and back into the car and onto the dentist!!
Poor Miss C has  a wiggly tooth - this has allowed a bit of infection to get in underneath and her tooth was not coming out easily so we went to have it taken out!
When we went into the dentist she showed me how up above another tooth was breaking through the side of the gum as the baby tooth below was holding fast.
So it was recommended that it was removed also.
Oh my poor Miss C - 2 teeth out in one go.
Now if you know me you will appreciate that I do not enjoy going to the dentist at the best of times - and after the first part of the day my resolve was not great!!

Out came the happy gas - for Miss C - hmm I wouldn't have minded a few puffs hehe!!
The area was numbed and we were under way. Poor Miss C was quite upset about the whole business - I know that her resolve is also lower with all that is going on.
When the dentist asked me if she was usually this way or if it was more related to my breast cancer - that was me. I nodded and my eyes welled up with tears . Before long some had escaped down my cheeks - I was trying hard to hold it together to keep Miss C as calm as possible. The dentist was lovely and very soon all was done. Afterwards the dentist asked if I was okay - I laughed and said I had been fine until she had asked if  Miss C  was struggling with my diagnosis. We had a lovely chat and soon she and I both had teary eyes - I said we better sort ourselves out before going into the reception area or any patients waiting would not be staying long - they would all be running out the door seeing all of us with teary eyes!!!!
I was also very touched that she had seen past Miss C immediate response and recognised what was really affecting her.
So that was our last stop for the day.

I was very relieved to be climbing into the car and heading home!!
I was exhausted !!

So now the troops are in bed - as am I.
I must say that as nice as the medical people are that I come into regular contact with on this journey - there are days when you don't really want to be seeing them at all.
The surgeon had said right at the start that the next year will be more or less taken over by dealing with my diagnosis - he wasn't joking!!
Travelling in a time machine to the end of that would be pretty appealing right now!!

Well thankfully tomorrow is my last radiation of the week and I have 2 days zap free - yeeha!!
We are seeing a few friends over the weekend - mostly as they want to see mum before she goes back home.
This will be her last weekend with us - it doesn't bear thinking about really!!!
She has been an amazing support and comfort these last weeks and I am so thankful she has been able to be here at this time.

Just saw this and thought of you mum......

Your arms were always there when I needed a hug
Your heart understood when I needed a friend
Your gentle eyes were stern when I needed a lesson
Your strength and love have guided me and given me wings to fly !!

Love you mum x

The Circle of life !!

Well it isn't even lunch time and I have already had an ultrasound and my daily zapping!! Woo hoo !!
I almost had another accident on the way today - as I was driving a rather large spider flew onto my face!
EEEEEkkkkkkk!! I pulled over and jumped out of the car - passersby must have been wondering what this scarfheaded women was doing jiggling around on the road side!!!
I shook myself off in the hope he would dissappear outside the car - but no he was still there!!
After a few futile attempts to get him - I had no choice but to get back in the car and drive to my radiotherapy appointment!!
I had all the windows open - thinking that bustling air around me would keep him away.
Boy was I praying he didn't make a reappearence on my drive to my appointment. Thankfully he didnt - but I still dont know where he is hiding !!!

Yesterday we had a fun morning going to see the Lion King on the big screen. We saw it with a friend and her 2 littlies who are aged 4 and under. Too sweet to share a movie experience with them.
My eldest A was asked numerous questions about the movie during the movie ie why is it raining? why are they fighting etc !!! What a giggle .It will get her into practice for the future hehe !
Watching it always brings back memories of days spent in Africa - I loved living there! - there is something distinctly special about Africa and her people!



I guess I have been a bit reflective over these last days . We had lunch over the weekend with a very close friends family who are visiting other family here. It was such a treat to catch up and chat about days gone by.
Dont get me wrong we have a great life here and we have been so blessed in our current road. We have been overwhelmed by the continued kindness over these last months - the number of meals we have received has been incredible!!
We have however moved around quite a bit over the years and have had to say goodbye to many wonderful friends.
Somedays you just wish you could pop in for a cuppa and a chat - or even better have everyone together in the same place!!
The funny thing is that as I have been thinking of friends afar - just this week I have received 2 parcels in the post from overseas friends. They must have known hehe!!

Another lovely friend from the UK sent me this message yesterday.

My peace I leave with you
not as the world gives
My peace is with you , around you, before you and behind you
I am with you.

I found this so encouraging in a week where at times I have felt unsettled.
 Our Father has our heart and our peace is in and with Him.
He will remain our constant even when things change around us - be it from our own doing or by something beyond our control.

God has not promised sun without rain
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God has promised strength for the day
rest for the labor, light for the way.
grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love.
(Annie Johnson Flint)

A life filled with choices !!!

So the days are moving by and I am into my 2nd week of radiotherapy.
I have to be honest I am not enjoying the experience - I know that it is a means to an end and that every day is a step closer to the end - but I'd rather be doing something else with my days for sure!!
The sunburn't redness that is appearing on my skin could so easily be achieved by lying on a beach!!

In facing my breast cancer I have realised more than ever that life is a series of choices!
 We may not be able to control many things/circumstances but we always have a choice.
I am trying very hard to choose what is positive and focus on the good as much as possible!
I choose life.
I choose to have faith even when my body is failing me.
I choose not to be discouraged each passing day I put on my headscarf yet again.
I choose to be thankful that although I have lost my hair - my eyebrows and nails are still intact..
I choose to be thankful for friends who have stood by me even though the road is long!
I choose to trust God in my fight even when I hear of others losing theirs!

What do we choose when things don't go the way we think they should?
What do we choose when someone lets us down?
What do we choose when some friends become acquaintances ?
What do we choose when we feel alone?
What do we choose when things are going our way?

From the minute our eyes open we are faced with choices!!
Even though we want to make the right choice - in our selves we can get it wrong. I know I do !!!

There is a song that says
 You are my strength when I am weak
  A shelter in the storm
  A very present help
  When all my hope is gone
  My God is great !!!

Each day I open my eyes I am faced with my own weakness as I go through treatment for breast cancer and the side effects of that.
And yet even as I face the choices before me daily - these are made so much more managable when I choose to remember that my God is indeed great.
Infact my choices need to be a reflection of His choice - choosing me.
Even though I am weak - He is strong. He stands with open arms - welcoming me as His daughter. He chooses to love me unconditionally , He chooses never to give up on me even when I may appear to have given up on Him, He chooses to carry me when I feel I can go no further.
He chooses me - and He chooses YOU !!!

Our choices can be positive when from the start of our day we choose HIM remembering that indeed it was He who chose us first.
His love for us is all embracing - He wants us to be the best that we can be , He wants a relationship with us !
He wants us to choose Him and let every other choice flow on from that!!
For God so loved the world ...................
If all our choices where motivated out of Love - wow - what a different place our world would be!

I saw this clip recently which has particular relevance for me but in essence its about how love can see you through.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxIt70j_SPk
Martina McBride I'm going love you through it ..

I hope that you find it uplifting - love can make a difference !!!!

For more on being chosen go to
www.holleygerth.com/heart-to-heart-with-holley/2011/9/20/you-are-chosen.html

A sense of humour is definitely required!!

I am sitting on our verandha at the moment.
It is an absolutely glorious day here - the sun is shining and a soft gentle breeze is carrying the sweet smell of orange blossoms in the air!!
Just beautiful.

Well this is definitely the calm after the storm!!!!!

My poor mum had been suffering a bit of muscular pain and a headache since our accident last week. We had put this down to a bit of whiplash however her headache didnt seem to be lifting so we thought we better just get it checked out . I took her to our local GP thinking he may suggest a higher dose muscle relaxant or something.
Mum went in and I waited outside. She was in there for quite a while and I was beginning to get a bit concerned when she came out with the Doctor.
He handed a form to the nurse and she was the phone booking an appointment for a brain scan !!!!
Seriously - well I turned to my mum and said what is happening.
She said the GP had done some tests and he wasn't happy and was sending her for an urgent brain scan. He was concerned they may be some bleeding in the brain!!
Well with all that has been happening over these last months you would have thought that I would have collapsed into a heap - but no being the loving daughter that I am I just burst out laughing!!
I couldn't believe it - saying the words 'what next?' are banned in our household!!!

So there we were back in the car heading not to the pharmacy for a few stronger painkillers -but of to the radiology department for a CT scan of the brain!!
Well mum and I both had a giggle in the car on the way there - we did also pray of course that the scan would be clear and anything of concern would be fixed before we got there!!
In my heart of hearts I felt that all would be fine but I am also open to all possibilities these days!!!
We arrived there in no time and before long mum was taken in while I waited outside!!
I phoned my husband to relay the developments - he couldn't believe it - he asked me if he should come down to be there with us!!
I said to wait until we knew what was what!!
Well soon mum was out again and we had to wait for the films before leaving.
The GP had said we would be told the results there at the radiology department but we were given the films without the results.
When I asked they said no that wasn't their usual practise and we had to get the results from the GP.
I said well one would hope that if mum had a bleed on the brain they wouldn't just let us leave!!
'You would think so" was her reply.

So we headed home - I had called the surgery to speak to the GP he wouldn't be back for another few hours.
Mum went to lie down and we waited to get the results. I called the GP again at the time I was supposed to - still no results!!
I took the scans and had a look up against the light - the one thing I could see was that the left side looked the same as the right all the way through so I was guessing it would be okay - not that I am a brain specialist hehe !
It took another 2 hours before we were told mum was all clear!! What a business. Her headaches were in response to the whiplash after all.
I am pleased to say that now after a couple of days she is so much better!!
When we were at home I tried to do the tests the GP had asked her to do - and I couldn't do them either - so not quite sure what that means !!
Maybe its hereditary!!! Or perhaps my brain really isnt working properly after all!!!

So another day of drama and excitement came to an end.
Never a dull moment here thats for sure!

Well I have had my first 5 zaps so far - week 1 over ! There have not been too many side effects so far thank goodness. Just a bit of background nausea - yesterday I did have a very strange turn with increased nausea and lightheadedness. I didn't feel well for most of the day after but have felt better again today!!
Just hoping I wasn't given the wrong dose yesterday!! I now expect the unexpected !!!
Anyway just thankful I am feeling better today . It is school holidays now for 2 weeks and the weather is looking good so we may all be radiating in the glorious sunshine next week for sure .......

Radiotherapy is on it's way!!

Well it is 3 down and 25 to go!!!

Feels like a neverending journey!!

I arrived on Monday with my radiotherapy gown that I had been given and my tube of aloe vera gel.
 The first thing you do is greet the receptionist on your way through and then head to the changing rooms to don the ever so stylish blue and white striped gown!!!

You then sit in another waiting room with a few other blue and white striped gown participants!!

There is a large flat screened TV on the wall to distract you - oh yeh!!!

So before long I am called and am directed to a machine known as Stradbroke!! There are 2 ladies and a male in attendence - the lady who had called me said so Deb are you ready to start your 25 treatments.

Oh I replied I thought it was 28! This is what had been discussed with us at our initial appointment.

Well this caused a bit of a muddle as the machine had been calculated to do 25 and not 28 - as it isn't just a case of adding on 3 more a recalibration was to take place - but we were going ahead with the first one in any case.

My radio oncologist came in to check the positioning and reassure me that we were doing 28!

So gown off - some modesty was preserved over my L side and then I was pushed and pulled here and there and measured here and there and drawn on here and there.

I was told to lie very still and the technicians would leave the room as I was xrayed and zapped. A bell sounded as they came and went!!

It took quite a while to get all done and I left there about an hour or so later - the staff were very pleasant but nevertheless I wasn't really looking forward to repeating this week after week!!

So the next day was the same - this time I was led into the other machine room known as Fraser. I now had a different male and female technician /radiologist looking after me.

Once again I was moved around to line up my tattoos etc and this time my modesty fell to the wayside as my gown was taken away completely to get me aligned correctly. So there I was topless AGAIN!!!

Eventually we were ready to go - as the machines generate such high heat the rooms are airconditioned - I was in there for over 25 mins and was nicely chilled by the end of it!!

I had to wait almost 40 mins before starting yesterdays treatment as the settings had not been altered from the mixup the day before - the radiotherapist was very apologetic about the delay.

And so today we were back again. This time another male attendee that I hadn't met yet called me in and I just had 2 male technician /radiologists sorting me out again.

Thankfully today all went a bit faster as they are just making sure over the first few days that everything is in the correct position for zapping!!

I am happy with that as I certainly don't want to be radiated on the wrong spot!!!!

I did have to laugh to myself though as one of the male technician's said to me today now just take a deep breath and breath out and relax into the bed.

Well haha - picture me half naked lying on this curved contraption with my arms raised above my head and 2 strange men hovering over me with marker pens and rulers !!!

Does that sound relaxing to you ........

Anyway - all a means to an end. Somehow the radiotherapy seems a bit worse than chemo in a strange sort of a way. I guess with chemo you go once every 3 weeks and yes you fight the side effects for days after but you are at home. Here you are faced with this every day and once you are marked and placed you lie alone in this bizarre position in a white quiet room. The only noise you hear is the clicking of the radiotherapy machine.

I think that this may improve as the sessions get shorter once my positioning is set but I am not looking forward to repeating it another 25 times!!!

So there we are chapter 3 - Radiotherapy is on its way!!

Mum and I went and picked up a replacement car today to use whilst mine is being repaired - when I left it in today - I was told the damage amounted to $1000's !!

Thank goodness for insurance!

We had another bit of excitement in the day but I shall fill you in on that one later - another long story!!
Have a great day whereever you are !!!

Where I am weak , He is strong!!

We have had a wonderful weekend of celebration - Miss C turned 10 yesterday!!
I cannot believe a decade has passed since her birth 10 years ago.
It was a day that changed the world as it was 9/11. We were waiting in the parents lounge watching TV on the ward. I was having an elective caeser due to a previous difficult delivery and expected size of Miss C. She turned out to be 10lbs11 !!
Just as we were called in - we saw something coming up on the news - but we went off to have our baby with no knowledge of the tragedy unfolding !
It was quite surreal as when we returned to the ward with babe in arms - we could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. Staff members were crying as they had loved ones overseas - there was shock and disbelief all around.
And yet in the midst of this despair - God had given us a precious gift - a little person who knew nothing of what was happening around, a little person who would bring us great joy, a little person who would grow into a tender hearted girl, an encourager and one who loves her creator! A ray of hope in a very dark day.

Today as a face the next chapter in this Breast cancer road - I am so thankful that God brings hope in the darkest places. I am feeling weary and would love a time out but that is not possible yet. This morning I prayed God would help me and strengthen me in my weakness!
This is what I read not long after

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
His faithful love endures for ever.
Let the congregation of Israel repeat
His love endures for ever.
Let Aarons decendents, the priests repeat
His faithful love endures forever
Let all who fear the Lord repeat
His faithful love endures forever

In my distress I prayed to the Lord
and the Lord answered me and rescued me.
The Lord is for me , I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
Yes the Lord is for me ; He will help me.
I will look for triumoh at those who hate me
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidenece in people.

Though hostile nations surrounded me I destroyed them all in the name of the Lord
Yes they have surrounded and attacked me,
but I destroyed them all in the name of the Lord
They swarmed around me like bees
they blazed against me like a roaring flame.
But I destroyed them all in the name of the Lord
You did you best to kill me oh my enemy,
but the Lord helped me
The Lord is my strength and my song
he has become my victory
Songs of joy and victory are sung in the camp of the Godly
The strong arm of the Lord has done glorious things
I will not die but live to tell what the Lord has done......


I write this with tear filled eyes!!

What hope when facing the darkness !
Just leaving to get my first radiotherapy zap - will fill you in later x

Obstacles in the swimathon!!!!

So when you think you have been stretched as far as can be - you're wrong - there is more!!!!

It has been a strange week.
 Each day has had its challenges - Monday  Cardiac echo , Tuesday Radiotherapy preperation, Wednesday bloods and visa info, Thursday IV Herceptin and sad movie, Friday car accident.
I kid you not we were in a car accident today. Thankfully no major damage to the persons involved but the side of my car is a different story. Both doors on the Left side need to be sorted plus a few other things on the left side. It all happened so quickly - I was turning into a shop from a two lane road and kaboomb!!!!
We were shaken up  and now a bit achey but thank goodness nothing more . I will need to leave my car in the garage for up to 2 weeks - great timing considering I start radiotherapy on Monday and need to go every day. We may be able to get a car to use in the interim so hopefully will all be sorted out!!
The good news is that both parties involved are with the same insurance company so hopefully processing will be easier!!
Just another whirlpool in my swimathon!!!!!!

It is quite unbelievable what we have had to face over these many months - challenge after challenge - a real marathon - with a built in obstacle course!!
I am quite apprehensive about even thinking what next as it is just never ending!!!

Miss C is turning 10 this weekend - she is very excited about getting into double digits!! I am determined that this will not spoil her birthday!
Her burn wound is healing well - and she is getting her ears pierced!! Actually just writing that induces concerned thoughts!
When my eldest daughter had hers done - we had been recommended to go to a Drs clinic - well what a fiasco that turned out to be!!
She was pretty nervous when we went to start with - the lady doing it didn't look terribly confident either!!
Well we had a bit of a disaster as when she fired the earring from the gun into the ear - it went in but the gun didn't detach!!
So there was Miss A with her ear pierced with an added attachment. She was as white as a sheet.
The lady doing it tried to jiggle it off but it wasn't moving.
I suggested I would hold it and perhaps she could get something to prise it off.
She disappeared for a bit and then returned with the most enormous medical forceps that you could imagine!!
Miss A's eyes grow wider and her face grew paler!!
Thankfully we got it off - and then there was still one to go!!
Well Miss A was ready to run out the door but we reassured her ( not quite sure what we were basing that on at the time) and the second one went in fine!!
What a laugh - in retrospect of course!!!
So now you see why I may be slightly wary - we are of course going to a completely different place  for miss C!!!

So there you have it - a week of challenge and tears!! They are still a coming - am hoping for some tears of joy this weekend. Wouldn't that be nice for a change!!

I shall end with a few words from the ever optimistic Eeyore!!

"Its snowing still " said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is" said Pooh
"And freezing!"
"Is it ?"
"Yes " said Eeyore
"However " he said brightening up a little "we haven't had an earthquake lately!!"

Hmm always look on the bright side of life hehe ..........